Father’s Day

I’m not sure why, but Father’s Day has hit different this year.

Maybe because we’ve been on this journey to parenthood for over 3 years. Or maybe because with every year that passes, we’ve told ourselves “next year we can celebrate this day”, or “surely it will work next time”. Today should be Josh’s 3rd year celebrating Fathers Day with our own child, and every year is a reminder of how old he or she would’ve been, and just how long we’ve been in this season of life called infertility.

Either way, over the years I’ve come to realize that husbands really get the shit end of the deal in this battle. No fault to anyone, but the vast majority of people reach out to them to get a gauge for how us ladies are handling this whole shit show of a rollercoaster, in fear of upsetting us by asking us directly.

After our miscarriage in 2019, Josh answered to so many questioning how I was doing. After our 3 failed IUIs, again he fielded so many questions. After our first embryo transfer failed, he gave countless updates about how I was handling the loss and heartache. After all, we were naive at that point to the fact that pouring tens of thousands of dollars into IVF does not equal a baby. We were absolutely floored, speechless even, that our transfer was not successful. But then after we found out it was actually an ectopic pregnancy needing emergency surgery, again he was called on for answers and updates; all while also being left to grieve alone that his family dog he grew up with, sweet Crissy girl, was being put down the exact same day, getting the call as I was being wheeled back to surgery. When our 2nd embryo transfer failed, he finally let it out and said to me “no one really asks how I’m doing with all of this”…“it hurts for me too” and it absolutely shattered my heart into a million pieces 💔

Unfortunately this is true though, and after I really started to think about it, he is right. Husbands are expected to be strong, put on a brave face and be the injection experts, wiper of tears, and consolers when we are down, frustrated and emotionally overwhelmed to the point of endless tears. It isn’t fair that this is the way things are. It isn’t fair that you feel like you need to keep your emotions tucked away to be able to take care of us.

Yes a woman’s body goes through hell during fertility treatments. Yes we sacrifice a lot and overthink every single decision we make from the products we use to the food and drinks we eat and drink. Yes we are the ones that endure the physical pain, soreness, nausea, night sweats, and weight gain.

BUT think about watching your wife go through this pain and suffering, with no guarantee there is a healthy baby at the end of this journey, and nothing you can do to change that outcome. Think about telling her that “we don’t have to do this anymore” or “I hate seeing you like this” when there is nothing that you can do to make it better and you want nothing more than to keep pushing to bring home your baby. Think about sending your wife into emergency surgery and the emotional stress and worry you would experience for the next 2 hours. Think about that after every failure, there’s a new roadblock that pops up to just delay things even more. Husbands have to sit back and take every punch to the gut just as hard as we do, enduring all the same heartbreak, with the addition of the most helpless feeling I can not even begin to imagine. They deserve to have their feelings validated and be consoled too.

I hope I speak for all of my fellow infertility warriors out there that husbands deserve a medal of recognition for all that they do in support of their wives during infertility and IVF treatments. At least mine does…and especially today on Fathers Day, when they are so silently grieving what should have been, but once again they put on a brave face for us.

Don’t be afraid to check in on the men who are also knee deep in this battle with infertility. Our husbands are human and although they may not be enduring physical pain, this rollercoaster sure as hell beats them up emotionally.

So this Father’s Day, we celebrated him. Was it perfect? No. Was it extravagant? No. But he deserves some damn recognition, because he is the most deserving to be a father. He is the best uncle to our niece and nephews, and I know he is meant to be a dad. He’s a natural, and pours all of the fatherly qualities you’d want from your husband into every single day of his life so effortlessly. He is loyal, patient, loving, hard working, compassionate, so funny and is the best damn protector of his entire family. To this day, he still takes on the role of big brother protector of his sisters, as he did through middle and high school, even though they are now on the upwards of 30 years old. Anytime we are at a restaurant, Rockies game, or even the grocery store, he is so vigilant and aware of our surroundings to be sure to keep me safe, just in case that worst case scenario would unfold. Our niece and nephews love that he is just a big kid on the inside and will play with any toy or silly game they come up with. He wants what’s best for us in every decision we make in life. Even the way he mows the grass and takes care of all those “dad” things around the house, tears me apart some days. He deserves to enjoy the best part of fatherhood, too.

Our journey to parenthood is definitely not unfolding the exact way we had planned, but with every day we are one step closer to becoming parents. We are grateful to have our 3 in our hearts, and patiently waiting to have a healthy, living, breathing baby in our arms. Until then, we are so thankful that Tango came into our lives and she continues to fill that void, keeping us distracted, busy and always on our toes 🤍🐾

We want to wish a Happy Father’s Day to our dads and grandads, brothers, uncles and friends. We hope you had the best day celebrating the gift of fatherhood with the ones that made you a dad. You are so appreciated and we truly hope in our hearts you felt that today❤️

And to all those longing to become dads, we see you and hope you feel appreciated too. We’ll be here rooting for you every step of the way, that you can join the cool dad club soon in celebrating Father’s Day as you so rightfully deserve🙏🏻